When you're grieving, everyone says "let me know if you need anything" - but what do you actually need? We asked 50 people who've walked through loss what genuinely helped them. Not the platitudes. Not the things people think should help. The real stuff.
Here are 27 things that made hard days slightly more bearable:
Practical Support:
1. Friends who showed up without asking - "I'm bringing dinner Tuesday" not "let me know"
2. Someone who texted every Thursday for six months just to check in
3. People who did specific tasks: "I'm doing a grocery run, what do you need?"
4. A friend who handled thank you notes for funeral flowers
5. Someone to sit with you in silence without trying to fix it
Emotional Permission:
6. Hearing "you don't have to be okay right now"
7. People who didn't flinch when you cried in public
8. Being told "year two is hard too" (the truth, not toxic positivity)
9. Permission to laugh and not feel guilty
10. Validation that grief isn't linear
Physical Comfort:
11. Calming sensory tools like a diffuser or sound machine to help you sleep
12. Gentle movement (walking, not "crushing workouts to feel better")
13. Wearing their clothes when you missed them
14. A weighted stuffed bear that felt like a hug when you needed it most
15. Hot showers or baths - water as therapy
Boundary Protection:
16. Learning to say "I can't" without explanation
17. Skipping events that felt too hard
18. Blocking people who said "everything happens for a reason"
19. Deleting social media for periods of time
20. Saying no to holidays or traditions
Small Moments:
21. Rewatching comfort shows (even if you'd seen them 10 times)
22. Keeping their voicemails saved
23. Writing letters you never send
24. Having one person who let you tell the same stories over and over
25. Marking the hard days (death anniversary, birthday) instead of pretending they're not happening
Unexpected Help:
26. Support groups where no one tried to one-up your pain
27. Therapy - but only when you were ready, not when others pushed
Grief is wildly personal. What helped someone else might not help you - and that's okay. The point isn't to do all 27 things. It's to give yourself permission to need what you need, without judgment.
What would you add to this list? Drop it in the comments - your wisdom might be exactly what someone else needs to hear.
If you're looking for physical comfort during hard days, our sensory supports are wrapped in beautiful, decor-worthy design. They're here for the moments when you need something to hold. [Shop here]